Post by shadowthunder on Jan 25, 2007 19:49:47 GMT -5
Hiyas! I'm bored right now and all, so I thought I'd post the little beginning of a story I started a while back. I haven't worked on it in at least three months(Maybe more) so don't expect updates every week or something, but I just wanted to find out what you guys think of it.
Also:
Please rate 1-10
Critique is greatly appreciated.
Chapter Uno
Darkness. It was the first to greet me in the small confinement of my transport. The enclosed wagon held neither comfort nor consolation. The walls were soaked, unable to resist the blasts of rain that pounded at the wooden structure, and the numerous cracks leaked in even more of the liquid, which ran down the interior of my prison. It was evident by the clumps of moss growing on the walls and benches that it had been this way for many years. I tried to squint my eyes, to see out into the surrounding area, but it was no use. The tiny fissures only served one purpose, to let in the drizzle.
A fearful uncertainty enveloped my body, however, it was not as much for my own fate, but for Lynn's. She was not only in as much danger as myself, but she had restraints to hold her back from escaping. My heart began to ache at the thought of what she had to be going through. At least she had Yoska with her. I just prayed that he would be enough to console her. The thoughts of them brought me into another train of contemplation.
Tobias.
I wondered if he was thinking about me. Perhaps he was trying to forget. I couldn't blame him. Here I was, being taken, most likely, to my death, because of my impure race and culture. I looked down to hands, which rested, palm-said up, in my lap. How empty they now felt, and at that moment I realized how much I missed my dear instrument.
Oh, forgive me, but it seems I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning, when all of this trouble was no more than a nightmare fleeting from my sleep.
It was a particularly sunny day on the morning that our destination came into sight. Shodsire was its name, and it was to be our next performance point. I sat huddled next to my family and friends, my fingers lightly drumming about on my instrument. A tambourine sat in my lap, its brass coins and ornaments rusted by time. Sure, it wasn't as pretty as it had been twelve years ago, but it worked just fine.
"Iva, Look! Look, there it is! Shodsire!" An energetic voice piped up from my left.
"Yes Lynn, I can see it," I replied calmly, looking to my sister, "I do have eyes."
"Well," Lynn stated matter-of-factly, "You sure didn't look it. You were looking down at your dumb little tambourine again."
I didn't take offence. People always told me to replace my old, little thing for a better one, but I just refused to part with it. It held so many memories for me, memories of my family, of my travels, of everything.
Our driver, a tall, bearded man, turned back to us for an instant and smiled that comical smile of his and explained to us.
"We'll be 'rriving at the city's entrance in a short while." He stated happily. The others in the truck grinned and chatted like sparrows with each other about the upcoming shows. The city seemed to grow larger and more incredulous as we neared it.
While my sister had turned her attention from me to her friends, I sat quietly, enjoying the warm spring breeze that had been wafting across my face. It truly was a gorgeous day outside. Wisps of clouds had been strung out across the melting blue sky and the grass to either sides of the dirt road shimmered a healthy green glow in the sun's radiance.
P.S. : Is it okay that this isn't about warriors? If not then just say so and I'll delete it.
Also:
Please rate 1-10
Critique is greatly appreciated.
Chapter Uno
Darkness. It was the first to greet me in the small confinement of my transport. The enclosed wagon held neither comfort nor consolation. The walls were soaked, unable to resist the blasts of rain that pounded at the wooden structure, and the numerous cracks leaked in even more of the liquid, which ran down the interior of my prison. It was evident by the clumps of moss growing on the walls and benches that it had been this way for many years. I tried to squint my eyes, to see out into the surrounding area, but it was no use. The tiny fissures only served one purpose, to let in the drizzle.
A fearful uncertainty enveloped my body, however, it was not as much for my own fate, but for Lynn's. She was not only in as much danger as myself, but she had restraints to hold her back from escaping. My heart began to ache at the thought of what she had to be going through. At least she had Yoska with her. I just prayed that he would be enough to console her. The thoughts of them brought me into another train of contemplation.
Tobias.
I wondered if he was thinking about me. Perhaps he was trying to forget. I couldn't blame him. Here I was, being taken, most likely, to my death, because of my impure race and culture. I looked down to hands, which rested, palm-said up, in my lap. How empty they now felt, and at that moment I realized how much I missed my dear instrument.
Oh, forgive me, but it seems I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning, when all of this trouble was no more than a nightmare fleeting from my sleep.
It was a particularly sunny day on the morning that our destination came into sight. Shodsire was its name, and it was to be our next performance point. I sat huddled next to my family and friends, my fingers lightly drumming about on my instrument. A tambourine sat in my lap, its brass coins and ornaments rusted by time. Sure, it wasn't as pretty as it had been twelve years ago, but it worked just fine.
"Iva, Look! Look, there it is! Shodsire!" An energetic voice piped up from my left.
"Yes Lynn, I can see it," I replied calmly, looking to my sister, "I do have eyes."
"Well," Lynn stated matter-of-factly, "You sure didn't look it. You were looking down at your dumb little tambourine again."
I didn't take offence. People always told me to replace my old, little thing for a better one, but I just refused to part with it. It held so many memories for me, memories of my family, of my travels, of everything.
Our driver, a tall, bearded man, turned back to us for an instant and smiled that comical smile of his and explained to us.
"We'll be 'rriving at the city's entrance in a short while." He stated happily. The others in the truck grinned and chatted like sparrows with each other about the upcoming shows. The city seemed to grow larger and more incredulous as we neared it.
While my sister had turned her attention from me to her friends, I sat quietly, enjoying the warm spring breeze that had been wafting across my face. It truly was a gorgeous day outside. Wisps of clouds had been strung out across the melting blue sky and the grass to either sides of the dirt road shimmered a healthy green glow in the sun's radiance.
P.S. : Is it okay that this isn't about warriors? If not then just say so and I'll delete it.