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Stalker
Aug 7, 2008 21:37:35 GMT -5
Post by Mousefire on Aug 7, 2008 21:37:35 GMT -5
name: Stalker clan: none position: kittypet age:18 moons gender: tom peltage: slightly puffy, jet black pelt and bright green eyes, with a slight tint of darker green on the edge. has big, puffed out tail. also has strong muscles. personality: he hangs out in other twoleg yards. hates dogs, and isn't the friendliest cat to hang out with. he values his privacy, and he loves killing chipmunks and squirrels for fun (although he'd never eat them). He is a very cruel cat, and doesn't have many friends. Stalker's very protective of his yard, even though he's hardly ever in it. He mostly ignores his twoleg owners, although he has picked up some vocabulary from them. IC: He snuck up behind the squirrel, watching it carefully. When he was two mouselength's away he pounced, nabbing it with his paws. Stalker let out a mmrow of glee as he watched the dying squirrel wriggle around, trying to get up. Just then he heard the porch door open as the twolegs started shouting at him. Oh great he thought as he ran into the back of the yard and slipped under the fence. He heard the dogs running as the tan one tryed to slip under the fence, barking at him like mad, while the other one just sat and let out an occasional howl. He trotted over to the street, hoping the dog hadn't gotten out. Sighing, he truged through the grass, making his way home. code:blood
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Stalker
Aug 8, 2008 11:55:05 GMT -5
Post by .Whitey. on Aug 8, 2008 11:55:05 GMT -5
You have a good basic setting of Stalker but you need to make all of your paragraphs into full sentences, its good but i ican´t accept it unitl you´ve made sure the lsyout and sentences are full and proper. Good bio though
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Stalker
Aug 8, 2008 18:47:23 GMT -5
Post by Mousefire on Aug 8, 2008 18:47:23 GMT -5
what do you mean by that?
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Stalker
Aug 9, 2008 11:08:20 GMT -5
Post by //Cindy// l u n a on Aug 9, 2008 11:08:20 GMT -5
You have a whole bunch of phrases there - "hangs out in other twoleg yards," for example - and you need to make them into full, grammatically correct sentences - "He hangs out in other two-leg yards," is an easy change into a full sentence. I know it's kind of annoying, but it makes your bio look a lot more neat and is good practice for when you are actually roleplaying. Just fix a few of them - you don't have to change all of them this time - and I'll accept it. Don't worry about it too much this time; next bio you make keep it in mind. Thanks..
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Stalker
Aug 9, 2008 17:01:32 GMT -5
Post by Mousefire on Aug 9, 2008 17:01:32 GMT -5
good?
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Stalker
Aug 9, 2008 19:50:40 GMT -5
Post by //Cindy// l u n a on Aug 9, 2008 19:50:40 GMT -5
Much! I'm gonna accept it, but keep in mind that you're still forgetting your pronoun (he) at the beginning of your peltage descriptions.
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Stalker
Aug 9, 2008 22:25:15 GMT -5
Post by Mousefire on Aug 9, 2008 22:25:15 GMT -5
heehee thanks! ;D
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