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Post by |g.O.l.d.Y| on Apr 29, 2006 19:31:48 GMT -5
Rant and Rave about life here. I have quite a few things to say...my life is very stressful at the moment. Uh...I might use language too >> I'll try not to, but sometimes I get wrapped up.
1. Ok, my dad works at a place called General Chemical and has to go down and live down there(2 hours away) for like 4 days. So I barely see him. When he comes home he gets all up in my business. I get sooooo tired of it. And if he sees me argueing with my mom he tries to 'level' with me and I HATE it. Dam it he's not a kid anymore! Nowhere near it! Then he's always telling me to do this and that. I didn't get to eat until 4 pm today. 4 FRIGGIN PM. I was trying to make some corn dogs since 11 am. Every time I began to preheat the oven he comes and tells me to do this or that.
2. My mom is a stay-at-home mom. She's always watching TV then gets onto ME for not spending time with her. When I try to spend time with her, her idea of spending time is watching her stupid soap operas that's all about s.ex with her. She tutors my homeschool and we always get into screaming matches. She could care less if I get a good grade or not. Well if I get a bad, bad grade it's just another excuse for her to scream at me.
3. My dad's company just changed a bunch of things and they almost had to go on strike and stop working. What would happen to us then? We would get no income and things would be hard. They just needed 1 more vote and they would have gone on strike. I'm glad they didn't go on strike, my dad wanted to, but they didn't.
4. Things are pretty neutral with Silver and me atm. Sure we still fight every now and again, but it's not so bad.
5. I've got a stupid retard that keeps i/ming me. She's 12 and doesn't understand anything, can't spell, and keeps trying to get me to join her pitiful site. I try to explain, but it doesn't work.
6. COMCAST NEEDS TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our internet is always going out and all that sh*t.
7. I have slight writer's block for Undying Love. Everything I write is cr*p at least in my view.
8. My friend is ENGAGED and hating me along with one of my other friends! They probably will never forgive me! I miss them a lot!
if anyone wants to rant and rave about anything post it here. ~:Goldy:~
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Post by Marly on Apr 29, 2006 21:30:41 GMT -5
Wow...i wanna go now!!! My turn my turn!!! *raises hand*
erm...yeah...rated PG-13 BTW....i fell i don't care if you guys know about some of my frickin' problems...not like you know me in like rl, you ca always tell ppl you don't REALLY know xD
1. I hate my mom....She treats my brother like he's the born again lord, gets along with him and gives him what ever he wants, she screams at me, and has even called me a pregnant dog(well, her exact words were (Quite being such a pregnant dog)...and she grounds me anytime i swear...i do alot, but not so much infront of them) She homeschools me too, actually, just grades it, i do it on the comp...she always yells at me for bad grades, but like i can REALLY help it....We're always yelling at each other, and i can't wait to get away, half the time i sleep in until like 1. just so i don't have to see her (she leaves for work during the weekdays at 1 p.m.) She doesn't even notice when i'm depressed....Also, she's friggin' two-faced! She'll be with me on my side (like a few years ago with dating) but then once my dad said he didn't like the idea she was all like "I know, niether did i, i told her she was too young, and that she had to try to get it past you if she really wanted to, becuase my vote is out." it sucks...
2. We're liike up to our knees in debt...we just built out own...big house, and 102 acres, and dumbo Wal*mart only lets my dad work on weekends, and don't have enough room for him, sicne he's one of the ppl who fills in for him, and he got laid of his electrical job b/c they didn't need him either...Most of my paychecks that i get from babysitting i give to them, just becuase i feel to guilty if i go buy stuff for myself....not that i really eat...i do use alot of electricity though
3. I'm f**k**g mad at this dumbo 11 yr. old brat, she's my neighbor's cousin, Megan, and we have this awesome bridge, with this really big creek(it's about 12 ft. deep), and we're the only house ont he street, and i'm always down their, and thiers an awesome colvert that's really big! i can almost stand up in it, i kidna bump my head, but yeah, i've painted in their..waht can i say, i'm an artist, water's never in there xD well, Megan and her even brattier family plan on ,moving in RIGHT next to us, i don't want to share my bridge with them and all her brothers and sisters! They'll probley scribble out my drawings, or tell theirs parents...which will probley get back to my parents....yeah..
4. I'm soo mad at my neighbors, mostly for spreading rumors about Beryl, And making her want to move away...i will forever hate thme for that..and my mom for not letting me see her...she thinks she'll keep her away from me, well, she's got another tihng coming. Nothign could keep me apart from her. Jaimee is suck a freakin witch!!! Backstabbing Beryl...and My mom for tryign to keep me from telling Beryl, like i wouldn't warn beryl, what kidna of person would i be if i just let it happen? I still hcan't believe thier doing that to her!
5. very mad at myself....half the time i don't eat...i'm a f**k**g moron....i had stopped cutting...almost for 3 weeks....but then last night i ruined my record...i hate myself....i'm so dumb....but then again nobody around here knows what lies behind this bloodstained watch...besides Zoe, and now Beryl...and now you guys...I've been like really depressed ever sicne Frank comitted Suicide, ok, well, sicne before that, but that had made me at first, value life, but then turned me against it, and then i finally recoved..a.dn now i'm just so mad at so many things...
6. Heidi, sam, mary....i don't care if i use thier real names...thier all backstabbers...and i hate thme all....Unfortuently my bff is friends with them again, she's gullible, i'm sire thier gpnan try to turn her agianst me...again...
7. Tina...JUSY SHUT UP ABOUT DYLAN!!!! I don't care how much you love him..i don't even know your last name!!! So what if we went to kindergarten togather....i still don't know you or want to hear about you and your bf and your perverted ways...
8. My family...my brother is always critiziaing(sp?) my music, he says it sucks, thier goths, they're stupid...even though MCR means the world to me...they've actually saved my life...though no one in my family understands it...my mom says my life didn't need saving..little does she know...
9. My parents again(i know what you mean Goldy about the tv thingy w/ your mom)...they complaim about how i'm always on the computer instead of spending time with the family, first off, the onyl time their home thier watching tv, so sorry i don't want to watch all the CSI's with them.....
10. and finally, God....why did he have to make me ugly!!! Or send me to this family? Or take away Frank...and everything else!!! if he wanted, he could make me happy i bet....
ok...well, i'm sure i'm not finished...as i can rant forever and ever...but yeah, these are just some of the things i feel like rantign about right now...hope they don't offend you....or make you hate me, please don't judge me just b/c i'm a demented 14 yr. old who can't help but think of death...i'm mental....my parents want me to go to a therapist,....again...i went to one when i was like 7 when my parents were seperating, but i didn't really care at that time? They got back togather, whihc was actually good becuase i don't mind my dad so much, and my mom had almost full custity(sp?) I also can't imagine not living here or without Beryl...
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Post by |g.O.l.d.Y| on Apr 30, 2006 3:07:23 GMT -5
I've got one more important detail to add....I'm holding a knife right now in my room and considering cutting...My problems probably don't sound that major, but they are when you see it firsthand. I want to lock myself in my room and just go away for eternity. The only rl choice I have as my own is to cut. d**n it my parents pob won't ask about it...Silver will, btu she'll believe me when I say I accidentally cut myself. ~:Goldy:~
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Post by |g.O.l.d.Y| on Apr 30, 2006 3:33:51 GMT -5
1. I just started cutting as of now.
2. I now have to find a way to get this thing past my mom and find a place to hide it in my room in case I should need it again
3. It burns!!!
I was wondeirng whethe or not to rant and rave about this before but this is the main reason to my cutting
I keep having nightmares about something that happened in my past that could make me have nightmares. I wasn't ra.ped or anything like that, but close...
~:Goldy:~
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Post by icefang on Apr 30, 2006 9:07:14 GMT -5
NO GOLDY NO DON'T DO IT!!!! CUTTING IS BAD. Please no, Goldy..... talk to your mom and dad, talk to a teacher or a counselor, talk to ME, but don't cut!
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Post by icefang on Apr 30, 2006 9:09:44 GMT -5
NOT YOU EITHER MARLY, NO NO NO!
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Post by {//.Ð € SS Î €.\\} on Apr 30, 2006 15:36:14 GMT -5
YAH! I agree with Stormy. Don't cut! I have a couple of friends that cut or want to cut.
Spend more quality time with your friends instead and it will help you get out of your house if you feel like you need to get out.
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Post by *Simply Seasle* on Apr 30, 2006 16:51:50 GMT -5
wow...................some people have a mixed up life..........my only problem is that a have a report due soon............
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Post by Marly on Apr 30, 2006 20:43:09 GMT -5
OMG! Goldy!!! I influenced you to do this, didn't i? GOD DAMMIT! I'm such a f**k**g bad person!!! As soon as i started cutting, my bff started too, I told her not to do it if it was just b/c i was doing it, but she says it wasn't becuase of me, but i don't believe her, i feel guilty...I'm sorry Goldy......don't listen to me!! Don't cut!(You said it burns? Hmm...never noticed that....i use to be such a wimp and i'd like go realllly slowly, and just small little cuts and they kidna stung, so i was afraid to do like a big and fast cut, but once i did, and it worked so much better and it didn't hurt...I've bought a bunch of wrist bands, they work the best, most of mine say Green day, thry sell thme at like Hot Topic...anyways, my watchband works too) Crap...don't lsiten to me...but that will help you hide it, if you don't want people to know...You shouldn't cut...then again, i'm just a freakin hypocrite....but still, i have to stop telling people i cut...then all the sudden they start cutting....i've only told 3 ppl...and now all 3 of them cut...what the f**k is wrong with me!?!The only friend i have left is Zoe, and Beryl, but i can't really consider Beryl a friend if i can't see her...i'm just alone alot...and my brother harrasses me...and my mom hates me, and i hate her....but i had stopped for like 3 whole weeks!!!...I havn't cut for a few nights though....I can't get out of the freakin house/prision!!! I'm homeschooled, and never go anywhere...!!!....but now i really feel like a bad person...shame on you for cutting...shame on me for giving you the freakin dumbass idea....
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Post by Marly on Apr 30, 2006 20:50:08 GMT -5
More of my ranting.....
1. I'm a bad person who influences/gives ppl the idea of doing bad things to themself...
2. I'm a freaking retard b/c i have to now babysit tomarrow and i don't want to and i just really want to see beryl!!!
3. I can't see beryl tomarrow! Life sucks!
4. people judge me...i know they do....
5. I still want to rant about my friggin mother!!! She's the base of my problems...along with...doug
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Post by |g.O.l.d.Y| on Apr 30, 2006 22:47:49 GMT -5
It wasn't you Marly...well some of it was...but I have been thinking about it for a long time. I have other friends who cut(online mostly) and I was considering it before I rly met anyone who cuts. I finally did it...dun worry I won't slice my arm off o.o ~:Goldy:~
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Post by Marly on Apr 30, 2006 23:53:33 GMT -5
like i've practically done? xD j/k...maybe....Glad you admitted it was at least partially me...doesn't make me feel better...but if you lied it wouldn't either......anyways...sorry....i should shut-up..i'm sure other people agree with me...
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Post by icefang on May 1, 2006 18:45:15 GMT -5
THIS ISN'T A JOKE YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT HERE! O.o I do share the unfortunate prejudice that all depression/cutting/[insert activity here] leads to suicide, and even though I can rationalize that out CUTTING IS STILL NOT THE ANSWER!!!!!!
Marly, I can't do anything to you other than to beg you, IMPLORE YOU, to stop, but Goldy....... it really feels like I'd be breaking your trust, but I can tell Silver. And if you can't find a way to stop by yourself, then I will.
I'm sorry!!! I really am!!! But I refuse to believe that this isn't a big deal!
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Post by icefang on May 1, 2006 18:48:03 GMT -5
I just want to end this before it gets serious.
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Post by [F]irekee on May 1, 2006 19:01:30 GMT -5
my ranting:
1. i agree wih stormy, and goldy is friggin emo (if that was to forward then sorry)
2. i cut myself on accident once, and i didn't think it felt so good, so i won't try it again
3. i think i make things worse then they already are
4. i tresspass on my neighbors ranch and my other neighbors creek all the time
5. i never listen to what the teacher says, i just stare at the wall and day-dream
6. i just got my progress report, and i'm failing english (65). i'll never show my mother
7. i hate my little brother (1 reason of many)because he says i'm no good at steel batalion, but i got to level 4, when he only got to level 2
8. stop cuting please goldy! if they find out and put you in the happy house, and or send you to counseling, people will probably think you picked it up from something on the internet, and you'll never get on again!
(i still think i make things worse then they already are)
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