Post by rex. on Dec 22, 2006 0:01:21 GMT -5
some of you might have noticed i have been gone...or at least inactive.
i know i make these kind of threads a lott; where i talk about the nothingness that goes on every now and then, and you may be saying gourd, I'mm done reading this already...but this one does have a vague importance to it...
i had an English book report to do a while back, and i lost my book. i had 2 weeks down the drain, and then, 3 days before the report was due, i found it. so, for the next three days, thats all i did, i read Hemingway i didn'tt do any class work or homework during those three days, i struggled to read and have a social life. it really messed me up. I ended up getting a good grade on the book, thank god, but because i hadn'tt done any homework, i was clueless and utterly lost in adv algebra....
i failed both quizzess, and i don'tt know yet about the chapter, but the B i had worked so hard to get became a D. and my A in Psychologybecame a C.
so i fell under a lot of stress. i went through a horrible artists block, where i knew i wanted to draw, but i couldn't, i just wasn't in the mood. same with Rping, thats why Ive been dead...ish.
my attitude even effect my relationship with James. i Broke up with him 3 weeks ago, but ended up getting back together three days later. he told me how much he still loved me and i felt so guilty that i forced myself to try to fall back in love with him. it didn't work. not only was i detaching myself from him, but he became extremely clingy in trying to win me back, and i just couldn't take it anymore.
on Saturday, i drove with my dad on the highway to bay city. thats a two hour drive, for a new driver who hasn't been taught how to drive on the highway yet! woo pink permit! (minor unimportant accomplishment...yes i am finally taking drivers ed.)
when i got to my grandparents house, James called to tell me how he did at the swim meet.
i wasn't in the mood to talk to him. i made the convoy brief, and ended the call. about 10 minutes later, he called me back, and tried to start up the convoy about the swim meet again. then, out of the blue he says 'I think you could be a bit more demanding of me...'
i knew that wasn't a conversation i wanted to have with him while i was sitting with my family at the table so i went outside (no coat. its cold.)
'what do you mean?' (i know what he means...)
'i mean like, we don't do anything anymore, and i always feel like i have to do everything...like you don't even run up and hug me anymore like you used to.'
'oh'
'...oh?'
'well, James, your kinda clingy....'
'oh, so you want me to be less demanding?'
'yyeah..'
'*sigh* what happened?'
'i think i lost it. for good this time'
and that was that. i haven't told many people about it, though, and its been about a week.
James has completely changed from the person he used to be. when i met him, he was really optimistic, funny, he was okay at drawing, and he was excited about being a part of the mens swim team at my school...im also pretty sure is grades weren't too bad either...
now, he is always sick, or sad-faced. he doesn't do his homework, and he hardly ever goes to practice.
i don't like that james...and right now I'm thinking of the best way to tell him that.
My sister, Alice, told me he talked to her today. he said he was trying to get over me, but it was really hard, because he still really loves me, and i keep on talking to him, so its been impossible.
Tanner has been a good friend, or he was when he found out that we broke up (James and i had been going out since the summer. thats 4 months- my longest relationship yet), then he thought it'd be funny to throw things at me. Ive been exceptionally irritated by tanner. he always teases me, and i know he isn't, but i feel like he's being serious. i kicked him in the chest today. my chem teacher was teasing me, and i yelled at him, and threw something at him, and then left the room. and i snapped at one of my best friends because she was trying to help someone else understand why i looked upset.
i don't like myself right now. I'm a pregnant dog. I'm a emotionless wall. and I'm ready for vacation to start..... <:[
i know i make these kind of threads a lott; where i talk about the nothingness that goes on every now and then, and you may be saying gourd, I'mm done reading this already...but this one does have a vague importance to it...
i had an English book report to do a while back, and i lost my book. i had 2 weeks down the drain, and then, 3 days before the report was due, i found it. so, for the next three days, thats all i did, i read Hemingway i didn'tt do any class work or homework during those three days, i struggled to read and have a social life. it really messed me up. I ended up getting a good grade on the book, thank god, but because i hadn'tt done any homework, i was clueless and utterly lost in adv algebra....
i failed both quizzess, and i don'tt know yet about the chapter, but the B i had worked so hard to get became a D. and my A in Psychologybecame a C.
so i fell under a lot of stress. i went through a horrible artists block, where i knew i wanted to draw, but i couldn't, i just wasn't in the mood. same with Rping, thats why Ive been dead...ish.
my attitude even effect my relationship with James. i Broke up with him 3 weeks ago, but ended up getting back together three days later. he told me how much he still loved me and i felt so guilty that i forced myself to try to fall back in love with him. it didn't work. not only was i detaching myself from him, but he became extremely clingy in trying to win me back, and i just couldn't take it anymore.
on Saturday, i drove with my dad on the highway to bay city. thats a two hour drive, for a new driver who hasn't been taught how to drive on the highway yet! woo pink permit! (minor unimportant accomplishment...yes i am finally taking drivers ed.)
when i got to my grandparents house, James called to tell me how he did at the swim meet.
i wasn't in the mood to talk to him. i made the convoy brief, and ended the call. about 10 minutes later, he called me back, and tried to start up the convoy about the swim meet again. then, out of the blue he says 'I think you could be a bit more demanding of me...'
i knew that wasn't a conversation i wanted to have with him while i was sitting with my family at the table so i went outside (no coat. its cold.)
'what do you mean?' (i know what he means...)
'i mean like, we don't do anything anymore, and i always feel like i have to do everything...like you don't even run up and hug me anymore like you used to.'
'oh'
'...oh?'
'well, James, your kinda clingy....'
'oh, so you want me to be less demanding?'
'yyeah..'
'*sigh* what happened?'
'i think i lost it. for good this time'
and that was that. i haven't told many people about it, though, and its been about a week.
James has completely changed from the person he used to be. when i met him, he was really optimistic, funny, he was okay at drawing, and he was excited about being a part of the mens swim team at my school...im also pretty sure is grades weren't too bad either...
now, he is always sick, or sad-faced. he doesn't do his homework, and he hardly ever goes to practice.
i don't like that james...and right now I'm thinking of the best way to tell him that.
My sister, Alice, told me he talked to her today. he said he was trying to get over me, but it was really hard, because he still really loves me, and i keep on talking to him, so its been impossible.
Tanner has been a good friend, or he was when he found out that we broke up (James and i had been going out since the summer. thats 4 months- my longest relationship yet), then he thought it'd be funny to throw things at me. Ive been exceptionally irritated by tanner. he always teases me, and i know he isn't, but i feel like he's being serious. i kicked him in the chest today. my chem teacher was teasing me, and i yelled at him, and threw something at him, and then left the room. and i snapped at one of my best friends because she was trying to help someone else understand why i looked upset.
i don't like myself right now. I'm a pregnant dog. I'm a emotionless wall. and I'm ready for vacation to start..... <:[
but like Bluemoon said, don't think about it! Wait till school is in until you start...making your life right again.
