Ravenfeather of Thunderclan

[ravenfeather]

Name: Ravenpaw

Clan: Thunderclan

Position: apprentice

Age: 8 moons

Gender: tom

Peltage: Is a short hair sleek black cat


Personality: Ravenfeather is: Funny, Independent, Loves to go places and explore, Is friendly with other clans, and has lots of energy. She can break the warrior code some times though but usaslly trys not to! She is a great hunter and a good runner.


IC: As Ravenpaw looked up into the sky his eyes glittered, he was think of asking his mentor to go hunting with him but he just sat there and let the sun soak into his fur. Ravenpaw finally got up and padded into the clearing. His mentor was sitting by the warrior’s den sharing tongues with another warrior. Ravenpaw didn’t have really any friends so he sat alone most of the time. Ravenpaw looked around and then noticed the medicine cat pad by. Since Ravenpaw had nothing better to do he decided to have a check up with the medicine cat. Ravenpaw had done all his duties and had eaten as well which left him to his own business.

Code: Spring

[|g.O.l.d.Y|]

Please roleplay in third person with sentences, periods, and quotation marks(or make what h's saying bold). Like this for example:

The golden furred tom silently crept through the fading grass blades. His amber eyes switched about his surroundings attentively. He opened his mouth to taste the air, trying to find a scent of the intruder to RogueClan he knew was lurking nearby. There he is... His smaller body stood tall as he put on a brave-like, commanding voice. Come out or be dragged out. The bush doesn't give much shelter, intruder.

[ravenfeather]

ok thanks

[~†~Winter~†~]

Is it ok because my cat Ravenfeather is in WindClan?

[Shädôwolƒ ™]

But what about Silverpaw? There can't be two Ravenfeathers.

[//Cindy// l u n a]

Please make the IC longer. And you don't really need the *s...
((though everyone has their own distinctive RPing style, so feel free to keep them!))

[|g.O.l.d.Y|]

It's fine if they're in different clans, there are about five Silverpaws...most of them are in RiverClan. And I'm pretty sure there's three Ravenfeathers. lol xD

And Ravenfeather, I hate to sound like a nag, but did you make any changes? Just curious

[//Cindy// l u n a]

I would appreaciate it if you posted when you changed it! Thanx!

[Shädôwolƒ ™]

Five Silverpaws!?!?! So......

I'm not the first one to have a cat with that name. . .

Let's see, there is one Ravenfeather in Windclan, one applying for Thunderclan, and some other one (I think another Windy). And apparently, all of them are made by the same person.

You must be very attached to that name.

[ravenfeather]

ok I changed it all...I think, if theres any other changes I need to make then tell me..

[|g.O.l.d.Y|]

The roleplaying sample is still the same, it needs to be changed from second person to third person, please. Look at the first post I made which includes an example and edit it again. Thank you.

[ravenfeather]

is that better?

[Marly]

Ok, here is something more what they're looking for, description over length for one. Though remember length is important too! Try and describe what your character is thinking, doing, what she/he sees, the wheather, everything!
Also, it's more your not the character, your the one writing aboutr the character, you see everything from the side. The only things that should be the 'me or I' would be in your cat's thoughts. I believe it's also more past tence then present or future. 'had instead of of will' 'tasted instead of tastes'

Here is what I would change for your post.

She sat down on shiny ebon haunches, beside the wide border that seemingly crosses into the open range Windclan terra. Ravenpaw's jaws parted slightly, tasting the air for scents other then her own. The small apprentice paused, selecting out numerous cat scents, none from her own clan. 'It must be a windclan patrol!' thoughts raced throughout her mind as her eyes searched for a place to take cover. She spotted a fern just a few yards from here. Knowing it'd hide her and her scents well, she raced towards it. 'I should go back to camp...but maybe I should do some hunting first...' She pondered to herself, as she waited silently for the patrol to ease past.

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[Marly]

I guess it takes some practice, but with the right guides, it becomes easier once you learn techniques, you can also usually feel a proud feeling once you gain that 5 sentence limit ^_-

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[Shädôwolƒ ™]

Ok, this isn't the one I though. . .

Try looking in other people's IC (In Character)'s.