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Post by coddle the infectionxxx on May 23, 2006 6:35:13 GMT -5
Okay. SO I have notice that some people here have very concise posts. The grammar is not always the best either. I am not the best, but I am a good RPer, and I get A's in english. So if you want help to become a bit of a more advanced RPer, then you can let me know here, and I can help you. I seriously don't know if people will go for this, but yeah. Oh, and I've resolved to make all my posts longer ^^.
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Post by shatteredclaw on May 23, 2006 9:24:00 GMT -5
Very nice idea! Unfortunately, I get A's in English too, so I don't need much help. Feel free to correct me if I do something wrong though.
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Post by tawnyclaw on May 23, 2006 16:38:02 GMT -5
lol
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Post by *Simply Seasle* on May 28, 2006 11:24:29 GMT -5
i could use help, i think
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Post by coddle the infectionxxx on Jun 7, 2006 23:26:58 GMT -5
Bwahahahaha. Okay. So- Write me a sample post, and I can show you how to improove. Like, constructive critisism.
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Post by Miss Midnight|| on Jun 7, 2006 23:51:36 GMT -5
Can I try this? I got a C+ in English, oh I know what your thinking... I am very good at English, its just i'm not very good at doing work in class. I am good at stories, a bit. Sometimes people dont understand my stories, I have a wonderful imagination, I just dont know how to express it. I'd like some help Cookie.
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Post by icefang on Jun 8, 2006 11:22:47 GMT -5
I could help if anyone needs it (111.1% in English!), but ask Cookie first (if she's not busy), seeing as she made this up.
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Post by coddle the infectionxxx on Jun 8, 2006 21:45:23 GMT -5
Yeah. I could help anyone. I got a 99% on the english SATs. I know, I'm not old enough to have taken them, but if you show intellect, then Johns Hopkins is like, DUDE! Take the SATs. No offense, biggest waste of time I have ever bothered with, but whatever.
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Post by *Simply Seasle* on Jun 9, 2006 9:35:37 GMT -5
okay here's an example
Tears fell from Seakit's eyes as she walked through the gray, dirtyish alley.I was too late.I should have ran faster.I should have done something......anything!. She stared at the ground, noticing almost nothing.Seakit stepped in a puddle, and then she stopped and pulled her paw out of the wetness.Walking won't help, and I won't run.I'll become an amazing warrior, I will! For my mother and my brother....I will be what they couldn't.I have to, what else should I do in life? Seakit stood up, her blue green eyes burning with spirit again.No cat will stop me, ever!. Seakit began to wash her paw, her eyes as hard as rock.
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Post by coddle the infectionxxx on Jun 9, 2006 18:25:52 GMT -5
Okay. So you might want to focus on two things:
Grammar and not repeating yourself. For example, if I were to re-write that, I would write it like so:
Tear fell from the kittens ice blue eyes onto the dusky ground. Her paws scrabbled against the asphalt as she ambled thorugh the greyed, dirtied alley. Laments ran through her mind, echoing hte feelings that her tears expressed. I was too late. I should have ran faster. I should have done somthing. Anything.
Her sad eyes looked ahead, misted over, unseeing. But a burst of cold, as she stepped into a puddle dragged her back into the correct dimension. Walking won't help. And I won't run, she sighed mentally. I'll become and amazing warrior. For my mother, for my brother... I will be all that they couldn't. I have to. What else could I do? SHe mentally excalimed. She stood from the puddle, new fire lighting in her. Her blue green eyes burned in spirit, and she slpwly cleaned her dirtied paw, with, No cat can stop me. No cat will stop me. Ever, as a parting though. Her brilliant eyes hardened with determination and she set off again.
Now you try.
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Post by |g.O.l.d.Y| on Jun 9, 2006 18:49:55 GMT -5
I'm not sure how I do with my grammar, I think I do alright, but *shrugs* I actually took this from the book I'm writing so I get some tips for Grammar and a little help with my book ^ ^ lol
Hazel eyes darted around as the teenage girl jogged through the crowd at King’s Cross, noting sourly that more than half the humans around her were muggles. The girl was of one of the highest pureblood families and looked down at the little mudbloods. The Seams was her family - famous in their potion and charm-making abilities. Though she did not much carry this trait her name remained the same as all the others – Seams. Jamie Seams.
Her twin, Amie Seams, should be beside her, but she had ditched her at the ticket booth when she stopped to secure her baggage. She had done it three times before so she believed she did not need her help finding the way to the train.
The crowd began to thin as she neared Platform 9 until it was only a few miscellaneous muggles with their noses buried in maps. She took the opportunity and raced toward the barrier between Platform 9 and 10. Her eyes shut tight until she felt a cold breeze on her arms once more. She opened them and looked around satisfactorily. Young and old alike were exchanging greetings, kissing and hugging each other, and showing off what they had bought over the summer.
She moved out of the way of the barrier in case any more arrivals should burst through and began to approach the train with her trolley. When she reached the steps she snapped her fingers and called out. “Dolly!”
A small creature in nothing put a few rags appeared right beside her and looked up expectantly, quivering slightly from old age. “Yes, Miss Seams? What can Dolly do to help the young mistress?”
“Take my bags and follow me. I’ll be carrying Freemont.” Jamie lifted a small padded cage labeled ‘Freemont’ and climbed up the steps as the house elf behind her struggled with her luggage. She walked down the aisle, her posture straight and proper as always. Her eyes scanned over each booth she passed, finally spotting three girls sitting together in one. All of them had the Slytherin badge pinned on their shirts as did Jamie. “In here, Dolly. Hurry up!”
The house elf hurried forward and summoned a step-up quickly, standing on his tip-toes as he put the luggage on the rack. Jamie settled herself down beside a small brunette, beginning to speak at once. All the other girls in the booth silenced immediately, watching her take a large white cat out of the cage and place him on her lap. “Summer was as horrid as ever. My parents didn’t give in when I asked them about Paris. Screw them. I’m going for sure next summer. Dolly, are you finished yet? I swear these elves are becoming poorer by the chore!”
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Post by Miss Midnight|| on Jun 9, 2006 23:55:36 GMT -5
OKies I shall try. This is just random a cat. Based off of my kitter.. :3 Not warriors based.
The red tabby had no reason to be surprised when he woke up in a small cage, for he had been there for two days. The people there had treated him fairly well, smothered him a bit, but none of the less they were there when he needed it. The mesh of the cage opened, and in came two human arms. He meowed a protest, but knew the human wouldn't care, they would just say, "Good kitty.". The tabby was taken into the 'waiting room', as they called it, and he looked up and saw the father and her daughter, Bailey. He didn't meow with joy when she screamed Tiger, but she did look very happy, and he decided to go along with the hugs and kisses.
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streamy too lazy 2 log in
Guest
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Post by streamy too lazy 2 log in on Jun 10, 2006 10:41:39 GMT -5
hey, cookie. I could help. I also get a's in english all the time and am very good at spelling and grammar. (not trying to brag, just saying!!! ;D ;D)
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Post by silentwind on Jun 10, 2006 17:18:32 GMT -5
This workshop is a good idea! English is my second language, so I always have my little dictionary near... but sometimes it's not enough. So here's my question: is there a difference between "meowed", "mewed" and "mewled"? My dictionary only says "the cry of a cat".
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Post by coddle the infectionxxx on Jun 10, 2006 17:56:57 GMT -5
Meowed is more what we use when a cat is saying somthing. For example: "Hello," meowed the tom.
Mewled is more or less a meaningless cry. Ussually used for kits. Example: The kit meweled helplessly.
Mewed is the same as meowed pretty much. Lol.
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